- No! Give the Tick a chance! He's nigh-invulnerable. He'll be okay. He's got to.
- — Arthur
The Tick vs. Dinosaur Neil is an episode of the animated television series The Tick.
A them park tour guide and paleontologist is turned into a dinosaur, and the only way to stop him is to give him a giant aspirin, and Arthur's sister is coming for dinner!
The episode opens with The Tick in the morning, on a rooftop delivering a monologue, ready to seize the day, and then cuts to Arthur waking up groggily as he prepares for he and Tick's daily morning patrol, easily startled by the energetic Tick. But contrary to Arthur's previous thought, Tick informs Arthur that this is their day off, and that they are going to Dinosaur Grotto, an educational theme park. On the bus ride, an exuberant Tick talks to Arthur about the active dinosaur dig at the park, who reminds Tick that all that is fine as long as they can make it back home in time to prepare for their dinner with Arthur's sister, Dot, who does not approve of Arthur's "superhero lifestyle". He makes Tick promise not to embarrass him. At Dinosaur Grotto, The Tick and Arthur's tour group disbands, as they are bid farewell by their tour guide, Dinosaur Neil, who is happy to see their interest.
He invites Tick and Arthur to his tent to see "the kind of science you can't find in a textbook." In his tent, he tells them his plan to grow dinosaurs using their fossils, and shows them what his process has produced so far: dinosaur tissue (presumably Tyranosaurus Rex), kept from growing in a dish of acetylsalicylic acid. But unfortunately for Neil, the pasta salad he is eating is in a dish nearly identical to that of the dinosaur tissue, and Neil eats the tissue by mistake. He assures his guests that all is fine, while sweating uncontrollably. As they say their goodbyes, Arthur is startled by Neil's hands, which are growing claws and turning green, and his body is growing, slowly ripping his costume. Later, in Neil's tent, A Tyranosaurus Rex with the face of Neil is struggling with the child-proof lid on a bottle of aspirin.
Enraged, Neil storms away. Back at Arthur's apartment, he and Tick finish preparing for Dot, just as she arrives, greeted with a dramatic complement from Tick. Back at Arthur's apartment, Dot is still unimpressed by The Tick, but just then, the movie on TV is interrupted by a news bulletin, alerting the public of Neil's rampage, and Tick is shuddering with desire to fight the monster, as Mayor Blank calls in the national guard. After viewing the chaos out the window, Arthur puts aside his sister's approval and takes Tick to fight the monster. Tick and Arthur catch up with Neil, and attempt to talk sense into him, only for Tick to be smashed into the roof of a building. Arthur then remembers what Neil said about acetylsalicylic acid keeping the tissue small, but is grabbed by Neil's mustache, but Tick soon Tick frees him but is knocked away, and Arthur then explains his plan to The Tick.
They go to a pharmacy to order a massive aspirin, while elsewhere Human Bullet attempts to defeat Neil. Just as the National Guard are preparing to fire on Neil, Tick and Arthur arrive and explain their plan to feed Neil the aspirin, asking for five minutes to enact it, and Arthur gives a fourth-wall breaking talk on the history and effects of aspirin. Just as Tick is asking Arthur what the plan is to get Neil to eat the aspirin, he is bitten down on by Neil, who juggles him around on his tongue, and chews on his head. As soon as Tick sees an opening, he runs for the throat, and throws the aspirin down it, but just seconds later, Human Bullet collides with Neil's stomach, causing him to regurgitate the pill, although it remains in his mouth.
Tick then proceeds to wrestle with Neil's Tongue, as a few of the city's superheroes sit it out, watching the news report. Inside Neil's mouth, Tick continues to wrestle with Neil's tongue, finally squeezing it into submission, grabbing the pill and throwing it down Neil's throat. Outside, the onlookers seem to have given up hope, just as Tick emerges from his jaws, and Neil returns to normal size. Back at Arthur's apartment, Neil thanks Tick and Arthur for saving him, and Dot seems impressed by their heroism. And the episode closes with Neil and Dot dancing, and Arthur and Tick washing dishes, Tick delivering a speech about the "two-heads of science", remarking on the other head of science, which "can really ruin a good day off."
- Dinosaur Neil (first appearance)
- Sally Vacuum
- Mayor Blank
- Die Fledermaus
- Crusading Chameleon
- Captain Lemming
- Bi-Polar Bear
- Sewer Urchin
- Dr. Bang (only appearance)
- Dr. Think (first appearance)
- Dr. Think's assistant (only appearance)
- The City
- This is the first episode not to be based on an issue of Ben Edlund's original comic.
- Ending Monologue: "Well, once again, my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences. But the other head of science is bad! Oh, Beware the other head of science, Arthur. It bites! And it can really ruin a good day off."